TOP TEN...
- It insists that a chatbot can be a beneficiary
- Despite not having hands, it keeps asking for a key to your front door
- It invents a game called “Let Me Guess Your PIN Number”
- When you ask for help with your taxes, it says “Wayyyy ahead of you”
- You overhear it discussing alibis with its chatbot friends
- It keeps asking for a fun selfie next to your bank account number
- New functionality allows you to “leave a tip for good service”
- It offers cookie recipes that somehow include your social security number
- It advises you to invest in something called cryptoGPT
- It just ordered a getaway Uber
- He can’t maintain eye contact during midnight hauntings.
- The trail of blood is actually just another nosebleed.
- He keeps calling you by his ex-hauntee’s name.
- His séances are always full of painfully awkward silence.
- He startles himself more than he startles you.
- Instead of creaking the floorboards, he keeps tripping down the stairs.
- He yells “Boo!”, then apologizes for interrupting.
- He overshares at parties about how the ghost digestive tract works.
- When you yell “Leave me alone!” he replies “Thanks, you too!”
- He keeps ghosting you.
- The Rocky Horror TikTok Channel
- The Cholesterol of Riddick
- The Texas Chainsaw Yeeter
- Freddy Hits Reply All
- It / Them
- A Quiet Place Alone With Your Thoughts
- Final Destination: Newark
- The Cabin in the Woods (With a 30-Year Mortgage at 8% Interest)
- I Know What You Googled Last Summer
- Watching cable news
(Technically not a movie, but still terrifying)
- THE - Maybe try a little harder.
- AFLAC - You’ve been watching too much TV.
- TOTES - 2009 called, they want their slang back.
- ZZZZZ - For when you do Wordle before you get out of bed.
- BALIWICK - Wrong number of letters, but still fun to say.
- $#@!& - Because we’re all waiting for the day when the Wordle editors use a swear.
- LMFAO - It’ll be in the dictionary some day.
- MOIST - Just to annoy your friends.
- PASSWORD - Uh, you’re typing in the wrong box. Also, change your password.
- XOXO😘 - When you really love playing Wordle.
- Almond Sadness
- Grumpy Ranchers
- Blue Cheese Starburst
- Reese’s Feces
- Spittles
- Burger King ketchup packets
- Sugar Rabies
- Yak’s Milk Duds
- Nicotine Patch Kids
- Reese’s Mayonnaise Cups
- The Little Engine that Couldn’t Without Lexapro
- Where’s Waldo’s Dignity?
- Ramona Quimby, Middle Manager
- The Tax Deductible Giving Tree
- Oh the Places You’ll Go to Avoid Running into Your Ex
- Charlotte’s Web of Criminal Enterprises
- If You Give a Mouse a Cookie, the Health Inspector Will Shut Your Restaurant Down
- Where the Wild Things Fall Asleep on the Couch by 10pm
- Blueberry Daiquiris for Sal
- Horton Has a Hernia
- It Happened One Night
- Ruthless People
- Death at a Funeral
- The Goonies
- Animal House
- The Terminal
- Little Miss Sunshine
- Dead Poets Society
- The Bad News Bears
- Home Alone
- Your baseball card has your position listed as “Assistant to the Equipment Manager”.
- You just got called up from the Pikesville Pollywogs.
- Before every game you Google “What is the infield fly rule again?”
- You lead the league in missing the team bus.
- You think that stealing a base is morally wrong.
- The only Grand Slam you’ve ever had was recovering from a rough night at a Denny’s in Spokane.
- You have trouble staying awake past the 7th inning.
- Batting practice consists of playing Mario Baseball.
- Your glove is still at the dry cleaner.
- You play for the Mets.
- “I like a girl with brains” - Zombie
- “I’m looking for someone to share romantic moonlight walks” - Werewolf
- “I can’t wait to get wrapped up with you” - Mummy
- “I like to relax in the evening with a glass of sparkling red” - Vampire
- “I’d kill to meet someone of my own species” - Frankenstein’s Monster
- “Body type: slender. Height: 6 feet. Weight: 22 pounds.” - Skeleton
- “Looking for someone who will love me, warts and all” - Witch
- “I have the heart of an equestrian, and the head of a pumpkin” - Headless Horseman
- “I promise I’ll never ghost you” - Ghost
- “I’m the last man you’ll ever date” - Grim Reaper
- Doctor Doomscroller
- The Cuddler
- The Annoying Earworm Instiller
- Lex Loofah
- The Evil Walmart Receipt Checker
- Admiral Sweatpants
- Greg
- The Podcaster
- The Mad Napper
- The Compromiser
- The cat’s id tag says CAPO
- The parrot just keeps repeating “Fuggedaboutit!”
- The fish bowl is full of cement shoes
- The dog is burying a suspicious amount of bones on the back yard
- The gerbil has an escape tunnel
- The catnip is arriving in 3 pound bricks
- The mice suspect there is a rat in the family
- The hamster cage is lined with unmarked, non-sequential $100 bills
- The goldfish has been indicted for maritime fraud
- Instead of going to the dog park, the dog wants to go to a speakeasy
- Spud the Couch Potato
- Olympic Ringworm
- Road Rage Roger
- Doritos Loco Deluxe presented by Taco Bell
- Andy the Starbucks Barista Who Really Wants You to Read His Script
- Patty the Plastic Surgeon
- Nicolas Cage
- Smoggy the Brown Haze
- Sandy the $30 Ham Sandwich at LAX
- Jerry, a Guy Wearing Jorts and Crocs
- Run the table
- Have a triple-double
- Sink a birdie
- Cover the spread
- Have a 100% completion percentage
- Hit the breadbasket
- Move up a weight class
- Stuff the offense
- Take a pick-six to the house
- Clean up at the plate